Thomas sent me this little piece a few weeks ago and its been sitting in my inbox since then, I figure it’s time to trot it out:

The Cause of the Great Depression
Many people are under the impression that the Great depression of the 1930’s began with the Stock Market crash. This is, however, a myth. There are countless causes leading up to the Great depression. In this economic thesis, I will explain exactly how all these events tie together and how they effected the economy of the early 20th century…

Read the rest after the break.

It all began in Hawaii in 1915 when some Japanese radicals came back in time and bombed Pearl Harbor. There was one man who witnessed this catastrophic event, and he was taken into protective custody. He was boarded onto a plane that would fly him back to the mainland so that he could testify against the Japanese. Yet, on his way back, a terrorist snuck onto the plane and released dozens of deadly snakes. Nelville Flynn, the FBI agent that was protecting the witness stood up and screamed the line that will go down in history, “there are snakes on
this m*****f***** plane”. Indeed, there were snakes on a plane.

The snakes took control of the plane with their snakey nazi terrorist skills and suicide bombed Wallstreet in 1929. The infamous stock market crash went down in history as the beginning of the great depression, but people fail to see the bigger picture. Soon after the crash, a group of young movie makers decided to turn this event into a silent motion picture thriller entitled “reptilians aboard an aeroplane” This movie was a huge flop and caused many citizens to become suicidally depressed. They quit their jobs and burned their money.

Meanwhile, snakes still roamed the streets of Manhattan while Nelville Flynn met the president of the United States. He and FDR flew to New York and teamed up to destroy the snakes. They hired Einstein to develop a nuclear bomb, which they detonated 1000 feet above Manhattan. This “Manhattan Project” destroyed the utopia that was New York, turning it into the city we know of today. The terrorist snakes could not be stopped, however, and boarded a plane headed for Antarctica. Nelville Flynn almost lost hope, but in 1953 received help from a man named Charles Norris, who threw him up into the air so he could board the plane. Flynn bit the head off each snake and drew his lightsaber to deliver the deathblow to the queen-snake.

This marked the end of the Great Depression.