Two poems emailed by sothis:

The slither of snakes
What better way to terrify
Citizens on a plane

Stuck on a plane- yawn.
Snakes?- No way to escape- Yell!
Save us Sam Jackson!

In custody, I’m locked up in chains.
From overseas, I couldn’t take the train.
They want me dead and put snakes on my plane!

Snakes on a plane!
Snakes on a plane?
Yeah I smoke mary jane
Butcha can’t smokeitonda plane.
Even though I know ain’t high,
I ask myself “Am I?”
Because there’s Snakes On A Plane!

SOAP

Snakes on a plane?
So little confusion!
Perfect little zen movie.

What is going on?
I asked for a hot towel
But got fucking snakes.

They didn’t show up
On the infrared scanners
‘Cause they’re cold-blooded.

The oxygen masks
Come down, but instead of air
I got a damn snake.

After 9/11
They thought of everything
Except fucking snakes

Don’t worry, honey.
These days, airplanes are snake-free.
Lie back, have some wine.

Keep your hands off me
(Sam’s no Charlton Heston)
You damned dirty snakes

Snake Rap

uh huh
yeah
snakey g in the house yo
eastside
westside
shit dont matter
snakeside

uh huh uh huh
yo
we got snakes on a plane
y’all betta explain
how this shit went down
i aint fucking around
my man samuel l
blast those reptiles to hell
he aint takin no shit
from so legless wimp
flak blast yo ass
from coach to first class
mutherfucka better explain
why we got snakes on a plane

snakes on a plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane
bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay
snakes in the overhead compartments today
make yo ass run like OJ
cobra commander is here to stay

“COOBRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!”

uh huh uh huh

yo
this situation
of snake infestation
across dis nation
needs rectification
with gun useification

yo
uh huh
sssssssss!

“yeah i killed them and I hope they burn in hell!”
copyright 2006

Snakes on an airplane
Not a motherfucking thing
You can do…Got-damn!

A harmless flight
To testify
Who’d have known
things would go awry

A terrorist
obviously insane
snapped and let loose
snakes on a plane

Now Sam must give
all he can give
but with snakes on a plane
will anyone live?

Snakes on a Plane
A threatening sight
But Samuel L. Jackson
Is willing to fight

Keep the original name
Samuel L. Jackson must say
Pacific Air Flight
Would be totally gay

Snakes on a Plane
Make Samuel L. sick
Good thing he has a
Mace Windu mind trick

This awesome movie
Fills me with glee
Come September it will
Surely be on DVD

What could be worse
snakes on a plane
May one even ponder
Snakes on a train?

The good snakes will victor
the bad ones will die
There ARE good snakes…
Why would I lie?

The plane will go down
Sam and Keenan will yell
“Those snakes on a plane
will be going to hell!”

Snakes on a plane
should have been my name
When people said it
They would think I’m insane!

Snakes are on the plane
Horrific death awaits us
Poisonous sadness

Samuel L. Jackson
Bringing badass salvation
From snakes on the plane

An assassin with quite a small brain
Decided to put snakes on a plane
But Sam’s on the job
And he’ll fight the whole mob
And flush those snakes down the drain

A terrorist scum with evil intention,
Just derived a new assassination invention
There’s nowhere to run from the king cobra’s stare,
Hurdling through space 20,000 feet in the air

Could you escape the poisonous bite,
if the serpents turned up on your red eye flight?
The food is awful, the seating is tight,
but that pales in comparison to a venomous bite.

Snakes on a plane! Would you know what to do?
If a rattler turned up slithering on your shoe.
With Samuel L. Jackson raising the stakes
How would you handle, “We got motherfuckin snakes!”

Out the window I look,
I think, “Halfway home - almost safe”
Ominous shudders within the cabin
Terror on a little girl’s face

An eerie mood over the sea
I brace and I clench my fist
The silence, deafening, is cut sharply
By a rattle, a slither, a hiss

The gates above open up
The attack comes with no warning
Through the isle approaches Kong
The snakes have a plan a forming

A black man catches my eye
His eyes steely and insane
He grabs a snake by its snakey throat
“Get off of my fucking plane”

Judo chops, roundhouse kicks, left hooks and headbutts
The snakes fall one by one
Even after the snakes have been beaten
Sam Jackson isn’t quite done

He knots the snakes into a rope
Five miles long if a yard
He forms the snakes into a lasso
Spins and releases it hard

It hooks onto a radio tower
And he pulls the plane to the ground
He moves his wrists like a surgeon
And somehow lands the plane sound

He carries each passenger off
Maybe 10 or 12 at a time
He hops into his 2009 Hummer
And rides off into the night

Back at the plane, twisted metal and smoke
The pilot shaking his head
A hiss, rattle, a strike and he’s down
The snakes aren’t quite dead…

Short snakes on a poem
For Sam (you might know him)
You fight against snakes
who are raising the stakes
Snakesonablog on your modem!

Hasn’t anyone seen the Saturday Night Live sketch about Snakes on a Plane. It aired in the mid 90’s.

It’s when the pilot talks to the passangers how “they will be cruising at 35,000 ft. and for the passangers on the right side of the plane you have a beautiful view of the grand canyon and for the passangers on the left side of the plane, you have SNAKES!!!”

It was a hilarious sketch, kinda out there, but funny… The snakes take control of the plane, then it crashes. Then a snake talks in the flames of the wreck. It was wild. Anyway, I feel like I’m the only one who saw this. Am I crazy or did this movie rip SNL off?!!!

You are crazy. The original idea of “Snakes on a Plane” came from a rarely read short story by Ibsen. The snakes were a metaphor for uncontrolled ambition and the plane represented God in ascendence. The people, trapped inside God ascending, had to deal with rampant ambition, which can, of course, be poisonous.

Hope that helps.

snakes on a plane
poetry flowing
when there’s a trailer
i will be going

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Snakes.
Snakes who?
SNAKES ON A MO’FUGGIN PLANE GODAMMIT!

LOL! Rad poetry, man. This blog is so great. I’ve been looking at SNakes-related blogs all morning, like this post about how Sam Jackson might solve his snake problem:

http://gleetv.blogspot.com/2006/03/your-weekly-snakes-on-plane-glee.html

This movie is already so awesome.

I’ll be back on Sunday.

- The Management

Reptilian pests
Even in the coach restroom?
Curse you, nefarious fiends!

Only one thing can
save us now. Not Sam Jackson,
lethal airplane food.

write you some new content for your crappy site.

A flight attendant curses
on a plane the mother fucks
“IT’S A GODDAMN SNAKE!”
what terrible luck.

There once was a flight marshall named Jackson
Who never saw any any real action
Then, in a plot quite insane, fought with snakes on a plane,
And put all those reptiles in traction.

These are great.

Who needs Citizen Kane?
When the magic of movies
Is Snakes on a motherfuckin’ Plane!

I’m sick at home today and writing haiku to pass the time away..

empty in this life
no hope to cure this ailment
snakes? plane? i am filled

Who can save us from
Snakes on motherfucking planes?
Mace Windu and Shaft!

There once was an actor Sam L.
Whose black rage on film moved us so well
They renamed our “Snakes”
To crap, goodness sakes,
Let’s just say he hoped they burn in hell.

A SoaP Sonnet:

All hail the crew of flight one twenty one
Let there be no words of scorn or disdain
Noble heroes all, the battle they won
Against all odds and snakes on a plane!

Their serpentine foes hid in a crate
That had been planted in the cargo hold
As the flight departs from the airport gate
The crew knows not the terror to unfold.

For the snakes are released mid-flight
And henceforth massive panic does ensue
Lo! How Neville Flynn shall lead the good fight
‘Twixt reptile motherfuckers and the crew.

Though the premise nary could be dumber
I’ll be the first in line come this summer.

At last, safe from those belly crawlers
Oh! How I hate snakes!
At last, safe from those belly crawlers
I leave this land of snakes!
At last, safe from those belly crawlers
An airplane! Snakes can’t fly!
At last, safe from those belly crawlers
What the hell is that!
AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Keep your lofty Shakespeare and your Citizen Kane,
Give us our motherfuckin’ SNAKES ON A PLANE!
Snakes and our Sammy, fightin’ this summer
On a plane? Man, could it GET any funner?!
So you’ll all be there with me, or you won’t,
‘Cause either you want to see that, or you don’t!

A faint sound comes from under my seat
Then a reptilian smell that emits so discrete
With a slither they appear
Every man’s biggest fear
Mother fucking snakes at 30,000 feet

A train why didn’t i take?
This plane oh what a mistake!
So high in the sky
With a snake to my eye
And no parachute to make my escape!

Crack! - My skull splits
Balls bitten,
Ceiling low

Submitted by John:

Death from above? No.
Black Jesus saves. FBI!!!!!
Die, motherfuckers.

What waits for these snakes?
Can anybody tell me?
Sam’s foot up their ass.

I bought my ticket to a destination unknown,thinking safety was guarateed high above the serpent’s throne.But now we know that all it takes;is one baggage handler to say:..”It’s just a box of snakes” Dedicated to Samuel L.”Snakes on a Plane” Jackson /JJ

[...] Jackie Huba explains the phenomenon and how the New Line Cinema has encouraged the viral fan effect: Fans created their own film trailers, movie posters, blogs, T-shirts, poems, and songs. [...]

In the stormy, stormy sky
In the quiet, quiet plane
In the big, big crate
Are some motherfucking snakes.

Simple and a rip-off but I like it.

I don’t know how old that short story that supposedly inspired the movie is, but the first thing I remembered when hearing about Snakes on a Plane was that Saturday Night Live skit.

Witness,
Criminal in trying
Plane,
Fear of flying
Snakes,
Fear of dying
FBI agent,
Loudly crying:

“Motherfuckin’ snakes!”

Wait, scratch that… It flows better like this:

Witness,
Case in trying
Plane,
Fear of flying
Snakes,
Fear of dying
FBI agent,
Loudly crying:

“Motherfuckin’ snakes!”

Another haiku:

Motherfucking snakes
On a motherfucking plane
Does that sound insane?

A limerick-

There once was a guy named Samuel L.
His flight wasn’t going so well
He reclined his seat back
Then the snakes did attack
And he blew those motherfuckers to Hell

No chicken or fish
the inflight meal will be death
You will die hungry

Another pillow?
Oh, you must need to smother
that snake in your lap

I.

Motherfuckin’ snakes
Sheeeeeeet!
You gonna eat those peanuts?

II.
snakes.
motherfucker!
plane.

III.
god damn SNAKE motherfuckers
on MY peace-o-shit motherfuckin’ cock-suckin’
fuckwad ass-eating poo-pushing plane!
and I’m watching uncle buck.

1.
This is one movie
I’ve gotta watch
motherfucking snakes
in SLJ’s crotch

2.
I asked for a window seat
They gave me a snake
I hate flying

3.
There once were some snakes on a plane
Much havoc they wreaked and to blame
Was a man with a vengeance
But Sam is here with us
How could this not entertain?

Damn, snakes on a plane,
Has only four syllables.
Haikus are stupid.

What? Snakes on a Plane?
Get me St Patrick, and a motherfuckin stick.

Snakes Aren’t As Bad As I Thought They Were

Oh no, there’s some snakes,
I thought they were nice
but boy, was I wrong.
There’s this one with some red
another is all green,
and there’s the king cobra
sitting next to me.

I guess I’ll ask that one guy,
I remember from Pulp Fiction
if he has a gun, or maybe some food ’cause
everyone gets hungry, and these snakes
these snakes are so hungry.

It’s alright, they all want to eat the kids,
and I’m not a kid,
yeah, I’m too old to be a kid,
and these snakes are cool with me.

Submitted by Ming:

Asps in the desert,
Asps in the sand,
We all damn well know, its all in Gods’ hands.
We take it for granted and think its all sane,
Who would of thought of “Snakes on a plane”.
Asps in the cargo hold,
wound tight as a fuse,
Now did someone get tickets for George Bush and Tom Cruise?

There’s nothing to do
And there’s no where to hide
This venomous fuckers
Are crawlin inside

I’ve had it with snakes
Use the gun, use your fists
Cuz you’ll never escape
Sam’s black fingertips

1.
Motherfucking snakes.
On a plane. With Sam Jackson.
I want to see that!

2.
Best title ever.
Snakes on a Plane. I’m so there.
Is it August yet?

Yes there’s motherfucking snakes on the plane and I hope they burn in hell!!!

Once there were snakes on a plane,
it drove everyone got-damn insane,
Sammy L. got all mad,
And declared that he had had,
enough of these mofo’ing snakes on this plane!

Seriously though, limericks pwn haiku.

theres snakes on this plane
am i fucking insane
i hope samuel L
will blow them to hell

chocolate please
she handed over the shake
what the fuck in my shake is a god damn snake

[...] Snakes on a Poem II. [...]

How many aisles
must a snake walk down
before you can call him a snake?

Yes, and how many caps
must the shepherd bust
to get those snakes off the plane?

Yes, and how many times
must the bullets fly
for Sammy L to dish out the pain?

The airplane, my friend,
is blowin’ in the wind.
the airplane is blowin’ in the wind.

(I know, snakes dont walk)

Acid Rain
Snakes on a Plane
High on Cocaine
Going insane in the membrane
Drinking Champagne
While using language obscenely profane
Only heard in the sewer drain
Steering of course into a traffic lane
The Plane hits a gas mane
Now they’re all chilling with Shirley Maclaine
Safety has finally been restored and will remain
Thanks to Senator McCain
And Samuel L. Jackson’s powerful reign

it’s snakes on a plane
why are they there? who can say.
it’s snakes on a plane

it’s snakes on a plane
why are they there? who can say
it’s snakes on a plane

here a sam
there a sam
every other word i say is damn
snakes in a sink
snakes down a drain
can you believe we got snakes on this motherfucking plane?

I am Sam.
Sam I am.
I do not like snakes on a muthafuckin plane
I do not like snakes on a muthafuckin train
I do not like them in a muthafuckin box
I do not like them with a muthafuckin fox.
I do not like snakes in my muthafuckin house
I do not like snakes with a muthafuckin mouse.
I do not like snakes here or there,
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like snakes on a plane…………..
Enough is enough, I’ve had it with these muthafuckin snakes!!!

Coffee??
No, thanks, I’m a Mormon
Just give me a snake instead

Chuck Norris eats snakes for spaghetti . . . with some marinara sauce. Oops! wrong website : )

The Snakes Are Alright

I don’t mind those muthafuckin’ snakes on my plane
That’s fine I know them all just the same
But I know sometimes I must get out of my flight
Better leave them behind with the snakes, they’re alright
The snakes are alright

Ode to Two Heroes - Samuel L. Jackason and Chuck Norris

For those who also like Chuck
He is Samuel, but without the word “fuck”
Together as a team
They could make the screen steam
And hit all those snakes like a truck

Chuck Norris and Samuel L
Could blow all those bastards to hell
And when the plane lands
They’d dust off their hands
And agree that they both had done well : )

S amuel L
N eeds to
A ttack and
K ill
E very (muthafuckin’)
S nake

Snakes on a plane and planes on a snake
Snake go slither on your head
Brown snake is so good to eat
Amazing snake, go in your gutter
Pillow snake go on the feet
And then, the end

Shit Happens!
Snake on a Plane?
That’s some mutherfucking
deep shit!

Shit will Happen
when some mutherfucking
snakes get on the
mutherfucking plane

SNAKES ON A PLANE.
A HIGHLIGHTS FOR CHILDREN STORY.

Sad Ronny was on a plane going home.
He was sad because his grandma died.
Angry Sam sat next to Sad Ronny.
He talked like Sad Ronny’s teacher,
When she drank her “special water.”

When Sad Ronny got his airline food,
He got a big surprise! In his food was a snake!
Sad Ronny was not scared, but happy!
It was like the toy you get with a Happy Meal!

But Angry Sam did not like the snake in his food.
He said,
I hate muthafuckin’ snakes,
I hate this muthafuckin’ plane,
And I want to go muthafuckin’ home!

But Sad Ronny became friends with his snake.
He called it Snakey.
Snakey did tricks for Ronny to make him laugh,
Like shape itself into a smile (wow!), a star (yay!),
And best of all, a heart! (yippee!)

But Angry Sam did not like the snake.
He said,
I hate muthafuckin’ snakes,
I hate this muthafuckin’ plane,
And I want to go muthafuckin’ home!

So Ronny told the snake to make a special trick for Sam.
The snake formed the letter S (huh? Thought Sam),
The letter A (hey, Sam wondered)
And the letter M!! It spelled Sam’s name! (oh my!!)

And Sam, for the first time, smiled!
And his smile was shiny and gold,
Like the five rings on each of his fingers!

And Sam became friends with his snake.
He called it Shaft, because it looked like a shaft.
He even gave it one of his rings,
So the snake could “bling!”

And now, he said,
I love muthafuckin’ snakes,
I love this muthafuckin’ plane,
And I’ll be sad (boohoo) when I leave
To go muthafuckin’ home.

Before they left the plane, both now happy,
Sam gave Ronny a BIG hug (squeeeeezzzeee!!)
And Sam told Ronny and Shaft,
“You are my muthafuckin’ friends.”

It ain’t no frogs in a car
or lizards by a train;
it ain’t no gecko on the metro,
it’s Snakes on a Plane!

BOSS BOSS
DEE PLANE
ITS FILLED WITH SNAKES!
ITS SLITHERING THIS WAY AND THAT!

they serve snacks in the plane
but is worse than leftovers found in the drain

Now they are serving snakes in the plane
it seems the script witer has damaged his brain

Sam doesn’ like m**f** snakes on the plane
so why doesn’t he travel by a train?

SNIPES ON A PLANE

He didn’t get the Shaft
So instead he got the Blade
But Wesley is so howlin’ mad
Cause there’s no Snipes on this plane

Sammy’s on the pimpin’ ride
And blasting snakes up to high heaven
While Wesley’s sitting on the ground
Watching his Passenger 57

His plane’s got no hissy serpents
But it’s got Lizzy Hurley
But what’s that got to compare
To snakes all crazy curly?

Sammy’s got his magic word
When he goes on the attack
But what’s all Wesley have to say,
“Always bet on black?!?”

That won’t get the execs their smack
And won’t fill seats with ass
But Sammy L’s got snakes on planes
And muthafuckin’ class!

Poem…

There once were snakes on a plane,
Stop—I’m laughing so hard it’s insane,
Samuel L. Jackson?
“Snakes, Airplane, Action!”
The idea is perfectly inane.

When the pet store
Told me they were out of snakes,
I never though that one person
Would have bought them all
And put them on a plane.

SNAKES ON A SONNET

My heart flies as a jet through dark’ning sky,
and daily braves thy cold and windy scorn.
Thy squalls, though fierce, do only bear it high.
Within I weep, both joyous and forlorn.

Aloft I sit, my seatbelt fasten’d tight,
and sip a lonely cup of ginger ale.
Then something hisses and I turn in fright;
I spy a slith’ring body and go pale.

A motherfucking snake, thou cur, a snake
invades the fortress of my heart, alas!
Before those serpents’ fangs I melt, I quake.
Thou fiend, belov’d, how canst thou be so crass?

Oh fie, if by sly snakes on planes above
thou try’st to poison me, thy truest love.

Hiss, motherfucker
Gonna bite you on the ass
Get up off me, snake

Big snakes on the plane
No voodoo up in the sky
We gonna die, yo!

Ain’t no can of worms
This is a plane full of snakes
Need my in-flight booze

Air-tight, trans-continental flight, rolls through the clouds and out of sight

The cabin environ’d by airs so calm, scarcely could anything seem to be wrong

When lo! A snake! No, two, three, four! Effortlessley glide up seats and through doors!

Miserable wretches! Obscene and abhorred! What can save us from the sibilant fiends so deplored?

Like Prometheus he came, fire filch’d from th’ Gods; His vigilant face wavers not, but knowingly nods

And just as their bloodlust the beasts prepare to slake, Proclaimeth He: “Enough is enough: I’ve had it with the snakes.”

Snakes
On a Motherfuckin’ plane.

Pulp Fiction On A Plane Haiku

Snake wants some coffee
That’s serious gourmet shit
You sending the Wolf?

My snake skin wallet
It says bad mother fucker
Watch out, it will bite

Snake getting hungry
Shit Negro, bring out the gimp
Drenched in fucking blood

I don’t dig on swine
I shot the snake in the face
Must have hit a bump

Snake looking to bite
Your ass goes down in the fifth
Towel drenched in blood

And Mr. snake here
Protecting my righteous ass
Valley of Darkness

these snakes:
where do they come from?
why are they here?
do they fit in the overhead storage compartment?
scared, confused, alone;
i wander into first class.
what is the scary man doing holding a shot gun?
i am terrified.
i wet myself.
i look to my left.
there lies a 9 foot anaconda.
i search for an escape. a rattler blocks my path.
why are these god forsaken snakes on this god forsaken plane?

–snakes on a walt whitman

wtf

the assassian took
the hostage but left the snakes
behind with the moon

–Snakes on a Basho

fury in the clouds
striking with a great vengance
you will know my name

–Snakes on a Jules

Hey, its mace windu
Whats he doin on this flight?
Holy fuck a snake!

Mutherfuckin fuck
Fuck fuck fuckety fuck fuck
Fuck fuck….. oh fuck… snakes!

High, high in the sky
Motherfucking snake nightmare
Save us Sammy J

What’s that sound?? hissssssssss…. ahhhhhhhhh!!!!
We got motherfucking snakes!
Snakes mo’fucker! snakes!

Tons of snakes, look out!
Fear the black anaconda
(thats code for Sam’s dick)

nothing you can do
with cobras all over you
‘cept die, mo’fucker

surrounded by snakes
theres no way to escape them
last minute orgy

what? did you say snakes?
i’ll kill those motherfuckers!
go get ‘em black dude

Sammy J may be
the hero, but he’s black so
he will still die first

I will not eat Green Eggs and Ham,
I will not eat them Sam I am,
I will not eat them with a Snake,
I will not eat them in a Plane.
Sam I am, that doesn’t rhyme,
Try another title next time.
I just might eat them with a fox,
I just might eat them in a box.
Who knows, I might I eat them with a Goat,
I might just eat them on a Boat,
I’d even eat them with a duck,
Maybe even in a truck,
But who came up with such a name,
A movie named something like ‘Snakes on a Plane’

snakes
snakes on a plane
holy shit
get these mother fuckin snakes of my plane.

snakes on a plane.
who thuoght of the name.
the quote of a quote of a quote
i want these motherfuckin’ snakes off of this motherfuckin plane.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
There’s a motherfucking snake
Curled up in my shoe.

I like Sally,
I like Oprah.
I asked for kosher
Not fucking cobra.

Snow is white,
And so is rice.
How do I use snakes
As a flotation device?

Roses are red,
Dahlias are black.
This fucking snake
Gave me a heart attack.

Roses are red,
Fish have fins.
Miss, I can’t fit this snake
In the overhead bin!

Roses are red,
Beavers have pelts.
Even king cobras
Must wear their seatbelts!

Roses are red,
The Scots have pipers.
This once was the cockpit,
Now it’s full of pit vipers!

Roses are red,
Crystal is clear.
There’s a bunch of fucking snakes
In our landing gear!

A typical flight,
A creative assasin,
Snakes, Planes,
and Samuel Fuckin’ L Jackson.

Sun makes light,
Clouds make rain.
I can’t believe the in-flight movie
Is Snakes on a Plane!

Some states have rivers,
Some states have lakes.
I wanted a bag of peanuts,
Not a handful of snakes!

Roses are red,
Doorknobs are copper.
Snakes on a plane?
Is that really proper?

Deaf people can’t hear,
Blind people can’t see.
I can’t believe this snake
Has a better seat than me!

Roses are red,
Baby’s breath is white.
I wanted a pillow,
But I got a bite!

Surfers ride waves,
Hikers walk trails.
I expected bad service,
But not fucking scales!

Kids ride bikes,
I drive a car.
There are a bunch of fucking snakes
In the airport bar!

Some kids are in school,
Some kids are in gangs.
I asked for coffee,
And instead I got fangs!

Some women are pretty,
Some women are hags.
How did these snakes
Carry their motherfucking bags?

Potent ache,
Through my vein,
Bloody lake,
Pounding brain,
They ain’t fake,
They ain’t tame,
We’ve got motherfuckin’ snakes,
On this motherfuckin’ plane,

YO YO HEAAAAAAR ME NOW

pythons, cobras, WE GOT BOAS
more fuckin creatures than that ARK OF NOOOOOOAHS

pump pistol grip bitch - splat them fuckers to SHIT
coz if ya dont fight back then ya GUNNA GET BIT

ya got vipers in ya face an they’re ready for a taste,
pumpin high speed pace that rattlas on ya case,

they got on my flight and i aint pleased,
slimy bastards gonna die, yo, they best believe,

my heartbeat’s racin’ theres a poundin in ma brain
i want these motherfuckin snakes off this motherfuckin plane

On another forum, I’m counting down the days til SoaP by posting once in thread. Some of the threads are poetry threads. Here’s my post of May 3…

One hundred seven days
Til the release in the-ah-ters
A film about some reptiles
Upon a man made bird

So get your popcorn early
Make sure you’ve got a date
Cause a movie with a name like this
Will not be second rate

Title: In a Plane of the Snakes

The apparition of these faces in the crowd:
Snakes on a Mother Fucking Plane!

(taken from “In a Station of the Metro”)

Snakes On The Brain

I Got Snakes On The Brain
Its Makin Me Mutherfuckin Insane
If I Dont Get Me Some Snake Tonight
I’m Gonna Take Down This Muthafuckin Plane!

Sammy L Jackson
500 fucken snakes
equals awsumness

If you were in flight,
with 500 poisineous snakes in sight
Would you piss your pants like a little pup,
or would you be like Samuel L Jackson, and fuck those snakes up?!?!

Snakes On a Poem
By: Sam Lowell

Snakes!
On a Plane
On a Train
In my Brain
Snakes!
On a Boat
In a moat
In my coat
Snakes!
Pythons
Cobras
Serpents
Snakes!

[...] See if you can spot him. Sam was also kind enough to include this poem that I posted with the rest of the poems. Enjoy. [...]

snakes on a plane
by red dragon

pla
anep
pl lanep
ane lanepl
plane aneplane
planeplaneplmotherfuckingsnakeplaneplanepla
neplaneplanesnakeplaneplaneplaneplaneplanepla
neplanesnakeplaneplaneplaneplaneplanesnakeplan
eplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplanepla
nesnakepla
neplanepl
aneplane
planep
lanep
lane
pla

that didnt work

snakes on a plane
by red dragon

…………………………..pla…………………………………………….
…………………………. .anep…………………………………………
pl………………………….lanep………………………………………..
ane………………………..lanepl………………………………………
plane………………………aneplane…………………………………
planeplaneplmotherfuckingsnakeplaneplanepla……………
neplaneplanesnakeplaneplaneplaneplaneplanepla……….
neplanesnakeplaneplaneplaneplaneplanesnakeplan…….
eplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplaneplanepla…………
………………………………nesnakepla…………………………….
……………………………..neplanepl………………………………..
…………………………….aneplane………………………………….
……………………………planep………………………………………
…………………………..lanep…………………………………………
………………………….lane……………………………………………
…………………………pla………………………………………………

snakes took my wallet
Lay my vengence upon them
motherfucking snakes

I was just eating my food and playing a game when an angry black man shouted out “Snakes on a Plane!” I dident believe what this man had said so I turned around to see what he had said and to my suprise there were 12: all dead. I thought to my self who would be so bold, then all of the suddend I felt quite cold, It was true I couldent deny it There were motherfuckin snakes on this plane what a riot! The last words I heard were like a beautiful rhyme, Muthafuckin snakes it’s time to die!

Trains are cool
and buses are lame
but nothing beats
Mutherfuckin snakes on a plane!

snakes
nk 7/3/06

we all want to be snakes,
at one time in our lives.
silent,
knowing,
bite-the-apple evil.
come on, you know you want to.

all that knowledge
little did you know
made you ashamed,
changed your garden.

but all of us would trade in
slick for try-too-hard,
sadistic for act-too-nice,
sinful for hours of knee-crunching prayer,
for a minute
or maybe a day.

it’s just fact
as it winds between your legs
without noise
and without reservation.
it needs no permissions
as it helps itself to the buffet.

who else
wants some fruit from this tree?
it’s delicious.

Sam Jackson!
Over there!
An award for worst movie ever!
Please, get deez mutha fuckin snakes off dis mutha fuckin plane

I’ll never go see a movie, which name
is “Snakes on a Plane,” that I will henceforth
remember on each flight, and imagine
these terrible creatures crawling under my skirt, or
see a snake in each moving object from the side of
my vision when drowsing with half closed eyes,
but still listening carefully to the noise of the
engines, making sure they are not failing, and
aware too of the passengers passing by my seat,
cheking their faces, wondering whether there is
a terrorist highjacker amongst them, or a thief,
who looks for an easy catch and plans how to get
hold of my diamond earings in my handbag, clutched
between my legs, while I’m drowsing. –>

IActually, I don’t have to see the film; now that
this awful possibility has penetrated my awareness,
I trust that my imagination would volunteer in detail
its most frightening scripts about “A plane in the
snakes.” –>

Waiting to board a plane just now while seated near a
psychologist in the waiting area, I seized the opportunity and told him about all the things I’m scared of when being on a plane, hoping he would help me get over them, and he actually did just that!
After listening to me patiently, he said: “I’m scared only of fire on the plane.”
“Oh my God!” I cried, “This most probable of all nightmarish possibilities, happening on a plane, hadn’t occurred to me at all up to now. I’d rather experience each of the others I fear of than be burnt alive, ” I said.
“I fight this fear by checking the plain every ten minutes for possible fires,” he said.
What about the fear of crazy people on board? I thought. Unpredictability that characterizes crasiness is one of the most frightening factors to live with or associate with. A crazy person might even start a fire just to convince himself that he does not fear it or could extinguish it.
“May I help you in your search for a possible fire in order to quench my own fear of fire?” I asked.
“Its not necessary. You see this guy there with the hospital badge on his jacket? He will help me.” He said. –>

Snakes, at least, are most predictable.

snakes on a plane
at least its not bears
from fucking maine

To the tune of “They Pray With Snakes” by Boondox

In the belly of the plane is where the serpents stay
While the passengers sit helpless mere inches away
Snakes plottin schemes to bite the pilot
And make the aisle carpet flow with blood
Everyone’s screamin’ except for Samuel L.
He just looks around sayin “Snakes? What the hell?”
They bite you twice and your the latest departed
Look at this shit that those assassins started
Slitherin’ all around us, stench of snake scat in the air
Theyre too dumb to notice Samuel is there
Snakes are no match for an ex-Jedi, you see
Snakes are slidin’ right by him not takin’ time to be
Aware of the SLJ loadin’ up his AK
That he bought from a postal worker earlier on E-Bay
Overlooked by the reptiles is how he prefers to be
As the terror increases 30,000 feet above sea

Chorus:
I can hear the screaming in the Boeing at night
They Fly With Snakes and they poison my mind
I can hear Samuel reloading his nine
He Shoots at Snakes and he does it just fine

What can be worse than snakes that traverse airlines
The airport security musta been snortin yey lines
While snakes huddled into the Boeing’s back
For their weekly helping of midnight snack
But now the survivor count is growing much thinner
Only 2 people left: The Samster and an ex-swimmer
The snakes are thinkin’ “this feast’ll be bangin’”
A snake leaps at the swimmer and chomps th’ part thats hangin’
Aint heard that much cursin since th’ South Park movie was shot
Then Sammy J. yells “You fuckers ready or not??”
3 different snakes take a flyin leap
BOOM BOOM BOOM they all land headless in a heap
Ungodly sounds of hissing echo through the skies
And yellin from the passenger with a snake nippin his thighs
But by dawn the last snake has finally passed away
and Sam cries out “Merry mornin’ to all, and to all, good day!”

I can’t hear no screamin’ from the airline tonight
Sammy Killed Snakes and I’m feelin’ alright
“Get these fuckin’ snakes out my mothafuckin’ sight!”
Says Sam bout those snakes, and he’s very much right

Snake On A Plane or SOAP…

Internet aphorism…
Sentence precluded of any serious meaning
If only the very serious…meaning of life….
Over-reaching the foremost tentacles
Down the deep end of the wide web
Cruising like the riding zeitgeist.

For this is the Google age, we enter a new page
Clicking away at every turning point.
We are mere mortals and should not be on a plane
For this is the moment when running from the joint

The only ghost moved on the femme fatale
She, bless her, decided to refuse the rascal

Fixing up and looking sharp
Holding the mirror like a true lady
I unleashed my lyrics in a welcoming park
I have your snake down in my plane.
I never said it would be so easy
Her smile made you feel alive

Is it possible for a snake to be on two different planes?
Was my opening chat-up line…
I could never see the reality sign
Will Hoxton ever, ever, ever be cool again?
And my head never felt so much pain
I could never, never, see, she was a real dame

And she replies: Are you always so sneaky?
Maybe cheeky, never monkey!

She smirked….almost…
Am I in?
At any cost
Magic grin…I am the boss
Think…positive like a butterfly

She gazes…Make a move?
She oozes…should I fade

I start campaigning…for my own party:
Word flowing like a proper arty..

You are the candidate, of my heart…
I’ll fly your colors to the other end of the earth
…..
.
It’s alright I’ll stay on the plane, for the rest of the flight.
She replied
Tough cookie I thought…
Browne sausage she replied
D’you know a Chinese bookie? I uttered
’My favorite dish’ she smiled

Like I said, the snake was not for turning…hmmm just maybe for fuming
First the snake then the plane…how did it get sooo lame?
She asked.
My cover was blown ‘pff’ confetti-style…
My pride? Down the sink… ‘Sssh’ Linguini style
I’ve been plucking chicken like you all my life.
I’ve been staring at you all the flight
‘Get your snake out of here!’
She said,
The plane was still full …of other Snakes…

END.

The snakes in spain fall mainly from the plane.
The snakes in spain fall mainly from the plane.
The snakes in spain fall mainly from the plane.
The snakes in spain fall mainly from the plane.
The snakes in spain fall mainly from the plane.

[...] Because back in March, Tony posted a poem at GotPoetry called - you guessed it - Snakes on a Plane. You can read it here, but you’ll need to register. Do it. It’s worth it - not just for Tony’s poem, but because the site is just that good. But I digress. Getting back on track… a link to Snakes on a Plane ended up on Snakesonablog.com, where it sparked a whole series of Snakes on a Poems. I told you, Tony spreads poetry wherever he goes. The movie will be released August 18, but the book, Snakes on a Plane: The Guide to the Internet Ssssssensation, which contains Tony’s poem along with a smattering of others, is available now from Thunder’s Mouth Press, or at Amazon.com. It may not tell you where to sell your poetry or help you write better poetry, but sometimes a book is just good plain fun - like, you know, Snakes on a Plane. [...]

[...] UPDATE: Many MANY more fan-written poems here. [...]

Ray Taliaferro, the host of the Early Show (the most listened to
radio program in the U.S.), held a poetry night in which listeners called in and read a poem to the millions of other listeners… Here’s one I read:
Our Last Hope (2006):
“We live in a world full of greed and pain,
ruled by a man with an incompetent brain,
He sent us to war on a false claim,
against the Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein,
I hate this war for all he has slain,
our poor soldiers, dying in vain,
Our best chance was impeached for a stain,
now our last chance is the november campaign, I live a life with no loss or gain,
all I have left is Snakes on a Plane.”

snakes
on
a
plane.
kill
‘em?
what
a
shame.
wait
til
we
land,
take
one
in
the
hand,
and
kiss
it
’til
it’s
tame.

There once were some snakes on a plane.
They slithered and twisted and maimed
Then along came Sam Jackson
Who finally took some muthafuckin’ action
And charmed them with his big, black, badass self until they were tame.

I give up…I’m no poet.

I’ve had it with these
Motherfucking snakes on this
Motherfucking plane

Drake sat calm in his seat
And quickly lifted his feet
Because to his surprise
He might meet his demise
To a slithering fellow
Who was hungry, not mellow
But right next to Drake
Came a much larger Snake
Who swallowed him along with his steak.

“….And I will strike down upon those with great MOTHERF#CKING PLANES and with furious MOTHERF#CKING SNAKES those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that my name is SAM JACKSON when I lay my vengeance upon thee BITCH.”

Snake bites spill red
In the sky blue
Ohh look its Samuel Jackson
And fuck, there snakes too!

boo,hiss
boo,FIST
goddamn snakes on a plane,
turn yo’ whole world insane

Here’s my Giligan’s Island SOAP theme…

Just sit right back and you’ll here a tale
A tale of a fateful trip
That started with a box of snakes
Aboard a flying ship.

First class had a bald black agent man
And a witness brave and sure.
The passengers took flight that day
Unaware that they were lure, for a snake bite with no cure.

The weather started getting rough,
The mighty plane was tossed.
If not for the courage of Sammy J.
The witness would be lost, no villain to accost.

The box opened up…snakes in the aisle
With king cobras, and rattlers too
Copperheads, adders too
Coral snakes, anacondas, and many asps
All trying to stop a trial.

So this is the tale of snakes on a plane
In flight for a long, long time.
They’ll have to make the best of things,
It’s an uphill climb.
Agent Neville and the witness too,
Will do their very best
To make second class survive the night
In this f***** up airline mess.
No phones, no joke, no antivenin
Not a single thing they need.
Like David Hasselhoff in my dreams…
It’s scary as can be.
So join us August 18th my friend,
You’re sure to pop champagne.
When you hear our beloved Sammy say,
“Mother F***** Snakes On A PLANE”!

would you like a snack?
yes please, what can you offer?
motherfuckin’ snakes.

this cushion feels weird
kind of feels like it has scales
god damn bitch ass snake!

knock knock. who is there?
snakes on a plane, you dumb bitch.
go the fuck away.

Snakes on a plane? No!
A snakeskin wallet that says
“Bad Motherfucker”

Fuck! Snakes on a plane.
Kill them with my lightsaber.
Yoda will eat them.

Oh how I do not like these Snakes on A Plane,
So many snakes,
I might go insane

This movie will be better,
Than Snakes on a Train.
The answer is simple!
It’s really quite plain!

The cast is super, perfect,
Satisfactory
Mostly because of one actor,
See?

He’s been a cop, a killer, and a jedi too!
Do I root for Mr. Jackson?
You bet I do!

[...] —- > Other notes < —– Snakes on a Plane premeires today across the country. In honor of its opening, drop by Snakes on a Blog to read the fan-written Snakes on a Poem - dozens of them to get you in the mood for tonight’s premiere. [...]

I WILL KILL THESE SNAKES
ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!
lemme get your fries.

show me the damn snake.
i’ll kill that motherfucker.
he looks like a bitch.

your small child’s rattle
sounds too much like that snake’s does.
i’ll just kill them both.

Motherfucking Motherfucking Motherfucking snakes!
I ask for a hot towel and get motherfucking snakes!
Where was TSA
When these snakes came my way?
Motherfucking Motherfucking Motherfucking snakes!
I ask for slippers and get motherfucking snakes!
I don’t pay for Business Class
To have a snake bite my ass
Motherfucking Motherfucking Motherfucking snakes!
I ask for cashews and get motherfucking snakes!
I pause and think of those bitches in coach
Will they live to see see our landing approach?
Motherfucking Motherfucking Motherfucking snakes!
I ask for Grey Goose and get motherfucking snakes!

Serpents on a plane…
An Al Qaida plot? Hell no.
Snakes don’t wear burqas

Fanged death on a plane.
Sam Jackson screams out his lines!
The box office rocks!

here come the snakes again
falling from the damn over head rack
dropping down my shirt running down my back
i want to run down the open aisle
but there’s a cobra chasing me
i want to scream
but a mamba’s biting me
i want to jump into the ocean
but a copperhead’s not thru with me

so snakes it’s you and me
what do i do
don’t crush me
what do i do
don’t eat me
should of taken jet blue

here come the snakes again
sliding down the aisle into first class
eating all the nuts and drinking Dom

Wished I had booked another flight
Wish I had driven through the night
Now I’m seating near an asp and
It just ain’t right

So hiss at me
And I’ll shoot you

Here come those snakes again
Acting like they paid to fly
Hogging all the headsets
And not paying for the movie
(here they come again, here they come oh man)

I want to use the bathroom now
But they’ve clogged drain, oh wow

Just wanted to go on vacation
Should of taken jet blue

last night i booked an airplane ticket…….
a spur of the moment trip abroad………..
how could something so simple turn oh so sinister………
with only a couple of snakes………….

what happened to my inflight movie?

Snakes on a plane? Fuck!
On a motherfucking plane!
Fuck! Snakes! Fuck! Snakes! Fuck!

I do not like snakes here nor there
i do not like ‘em anywhere
i dont want them on my train
i dont want them on my plain
i do not want snakes on a tram
i do not want want them jackson, sam
i want a mutherfuckin snake-less flight
Cause i dont want any snake bights
with a face like that you were born to fus
thats why i say
all your snakes are belong to us

I do not like snakes here nor there
i do not like ‘em anywhere
i dont want them on my train
i dont want them on my plain
i do not want snakes on a tram
i do not want want them jackson, sam
i want a mutherfuckin snake-less flight
Cause i dont want any snake bights
with a face like that you were born to fus
thats why i say
all your snakes are belong to us
The End

Snakes like to slither,
Snakes like to hiss….
Go see this movie,
And then take the piss…!!!

They love us,
We love them,
It’s a fuzz,
Snakes on a Bus!

——————–

We are going down,
is “down” a noun?
I see the ocean below,
we’ve got motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane you know…

did I win?

Snakes on a plane,
snakes on a plane,
All of these poems are driving me fucking insane

When you go see the movie,
try not to complain,
After all bitches,
it’s Mother-fuckin Snakes On a Plane

From Cobra`s to Python`s
Is Enough to Scare ,
Right Out of Your Nylons
Something We All Fear
With Snakes Just Settling in Just One Plane
There`s No Reason to Worry
The Snakes on the Plane
Are All Tamed………..

Snakes on a plane
Snakes everywhere
Snakes in the world
and snakes in your hair

Snakes and serpants alike
they will allways try to bite
But simple viewer beware
YOU can catch a snake in something
as simple as a snare

A haiku, because I’m not good enough to do a Limerick.

Mister Jackson is
A badass motherfucker
Snakes ate his wallet

I loved it. it was the most beautiful thing I ever read and put snakes on a real plane on flite 212 on November 30

I have no one to blame
for putting snakes on the plane.
The fun is on me,
who passed through security
with snakes in a bag
that I taught to play dead.